Behind every story is about 5,000 other smaller stories that help make the big story what it is. You can read the short version of Space of Brightness here. Each song has it’s own story, though, and I wanted to write about that. Below are some of the stories within the whole story…
I Always Knew – Sometimes you just know your destiny, and you know what you’re born for. Sometimes you get pictures and visions of future events and places, and you just know it will require the most radical part of you. And sometimes radical love takes you down a dark road. But you find comfort in the fact that He didn’t set you up. He gave you glimpses all those years ago. I’d imagine that imprisonment is always in the back of the minds of those in dangerous places who lay down their lives daily for the sake of love. They just know, and they’re ready.
These Are The Things I Remind Myself – If you were stuck in a dark and smelly dungeon, held captive by people who want you dead, what would your mind rehearse over and over? I explored this here. From a desperate heart, the heart of a friend of God, I think would come a really simple mantra: He’s coming back for me.
Space of Brightness – Two women caught my attention when I was writing for this album. Two Persian princesses. My age. Stuck in an Iranian prison cell. They were so beautiful, and so brave. They were so happy to belong to God, and didn’t have it in them to deny Him. The pictures I saw of them – they shone. Such joy, beauty, confidence, and compassion. I was drawn to that, and I wondered if the guards and other prisoners in their section were also drawn. I couldn’t see how they wouldn’t have wondered what it was about these two ladies! So I looked at the story from a prison guard’s perspective. I had fun exploring where he or she may have been coming from. By the way, these two Persian princesses were released during the making of this album!
I Never Feel Far From You – I wanted to express the joy of companionship with God here. Like Paul and Silas. I wanted to celebrate His presence, because it’s worth celebrating!
Purpose In A Prison Cell – These lines, “It’s a privilege to be here…”, are actually taken from a written statement by Mehdi Dibaj, who you can read about in the description for The Best Year Of My Life. I thought it was profound to be able to say that all those years had been a privilege, and I just wrote the rest of it according to what he and other prisoners may have felt, looking at their captivity as a time to hang out with God.
Will I Ever Be Free? – I think we all ask ourselves this question when we’re struggling with something that feels like it has us completely bound and helpless. This song, like many of the others on this album, can be about any kind of imprisonment, not just a literal one.
Winter Doesn’t Last Forever – Inspired in part by Andrew Murray’s book, Waiting On God. So many of God’s ways I don’t understand. I wrote this song during the dreary, cold, dark winter of 2011, which also happened to be a dreary, cold, dark winter in my soul. I knew it wasn’t supposed to be permanent, even though it felt permanent, so I wanted to go on the record by declaring that it will not last forever. And it’s true, it won’t.
A Fierce Love – Totally spontaneous, recorded when I was at home by myself for a few hours, just feeling God’s strong love in a very tangible way. I love how it’s a little rough around the edges. Much like a prison cell.
Believing In Things I Can’t See – Christianity is so weird. I mean, here I am totally basing my life on things that I can not see with my natural eyes. I live and breathe and move by and with a Spirit. But you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way. This very supernatural existence has brought me more rest, security, and fun than anything else that promises satisfaction in the natural. It’s weird, but it’s the way it is. That’s what this song is about. So what if I’m surrounded by impossibilities, hindrances, unfulfilled dreams, and injustices? They do not define me, unless I allow them to. They are only what I see in the natural, and I was created to live out of another dimension. Dig deep into God’s Spirit, find out what He’s saying, and live based on that. True life, wholeness, and happiness is dependent on whether I approach life with eyes of faith or not.
Searching – The story of a young man, full of questions, tired of his government’s empty promises, bored with religion, and passionate about finding answers that will actually change things for the better. Truth be told, this song is a bit autobiographical. But not totally. I actually wrote a short fictional story based on this man’s quest before I ever wrote the song. I had the character in mind for the song, which I already mentioned, and I had his environment in mind – strict and controlling, where it’s looked down upon to question authority. But I couldn’t figure out how to express his heart cry. At the center of every revolution is a heart cry, not necessarily rebellion, and I started writing a story about him in order to find his heart cry. I wanted to get into his brain and explore how he thought and what he felt. It was really fun to do this, and it’s exactly what I needed to be able to write the song. I need to do that more often. It’s a great creative exercise. The song ends up reading more like a journal entry, and I think it’s pretty cool. It’s one of my favorites, actually, because it expresses so much, yet it leaves you hanging!
The Best Year of My Life – I need to tell you a little bit about Mehdi Dibaj. He was an Iranian pastor who was arrested for apostasy and spent nine years in prison. One month before he was released, he stood before the Islamic court and gave the most beautiful, courageous defense of his faith. You can read it here. When he was released from prison (January 1994), he said this:
“God gave me the privilege to spend nine years in prison for His Name sake. They turned out to be the best years of my life, because what I had believed while free, is what I experienced while in prison; ‘Lo, I am with you always.’… Close to Jesus changes the worst prison into a paradise.”
Five months after his release from prison, he was coming back from a church retreat, headed for his daughter’s birthday party. He never arrived to the party. His murdered body was found a week later.
This song is for him.